JESSE: PITA BREAD & HUMMUS, MANGO & SHRIMP WRAP, AND YOGURT PARFAIT

CULINARY ARTIST: JESSE FRUIT LOOPS FOGARTY

OVERALL STAR RATING: 3.43 /5

FOOD EATERS: ERIC, BRIANNE, IAN

Ian started a new job this week and couldn't cook, so, under short notice, Jesse stepped in. He hurt his back washing dishes on the same dish mat that had almost killed Ian's gran, which Ian recklessly leaves out for all house guests kind enough to do dishes to be injured by.

FIRST COURSE: HOMEADE PITA + CHIPOTLE DIJON HUMMUS

STAR RATING: 4.5/5

The hummus was a little bit of this, a little bit of that. You know? Chickpeas, cock sauce, hot mustard, some sweet with heat sauce. And then... I don't know, some garlic cock sauce. Paired with homemade pita bread. Flour, yeast, there's nothing to it really. Salt and sugar. Basic. Bread flour. Flour puff girls. The secret was warm water and sugar cubes. It's phenomenal. I don't know what that word is, but use it.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"I ate so much of it that my jaw is sore from eating the pita. It was really good. The pita was really really good. I'm impressed with the effort you made to make the pita."

Eric: Star rating: 4.5
"It was awesome. The pita was so good. I didn't know Jesse made it, I thought it was store bought. But I thought it was like, the freshest store bought bread ever."

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"I thought it was.... delicious? Sorry, I was going to start with it was so good I thought it was store bought... Because it was so good. It was, it was delicious"

Eric: "But how did it taste?"

Ian: "It tasted delicious."



Ian: "I wanted to know, how the fuck did you make that pita?"

Jesse: "On your pizza stone!"

Ian: "Delicious."

SECOND COURSE: MANGO & SHRIMP WRAP, AND YAM FRIES

STAR RATING: 4.33/5

My mango and shrimp wrap was a combination of sour cream, mayo, fresh basil, chives, shrimp, and diced mango. Wrapped together with water crests and flour tortillas. Paired with yam fries.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"Okay, I'm going to give it a 4.5. Because, no okay here's my thing. The wrap was maybe a 4, the sweet potatoes were a huge 5. They were so good. I think I would just like the wrap pumped up a little bit, or had the shrimp cooked in lime maybe, or maybe just cooked in butter..."

Ian: "Something salty."

Eric: Star rating: 4
"I'm going to give it a 4. It was really good and the shrimp was good. The fries could have  used like, a fancy ketchup. Maybe some aioli. The fries were really good though."

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"Delicious wrap. It was great...... sorry, sorry uh... I'm going to say... sorry let me think. The salad was..."

Brianne: "Salad?"
Ian: "That was in the wrap."

Brianne: "It's not called salad if it's in a wrap."
Ian: "It's not salad, I did not mean to say salad."

Brianne: "You did this last week with arugula!"

Ian: "Anyway, while I thought the wrap was delicious, I would have liked a salty element."
Jesse: "I get it, you don't have to keep telling me."

DESSERT: YOGURT PARFAIT WITH GRANOLA AND FRUIT

STAR RATING: 1.5/5

Ian introduced me, a few weeks ago, to what I would describe as a perfect treat. Now I would describe it as BULLSHIT. I made a blend of strawberries, over liquidy yogurt, making it runny and tasteless. The yogurt I bought from Bulk Barn was shit! I will never buy that again. I also put pre packaged fruit in it, and that wasn't good because they were too big for it. I would never make this for any of my friends again.

Brianne: Star rating: 2
"Jesse took something that was simple and delightful, and just flipped it on it's head. I have been eating yogurt parfait my entire life... and..."

Jesse: "I even bought special glasses for it!"

Brianne: "Okay here is everything you need wrong. You needed vanilla yogurt, because you clearly bought plain yogurt, or you should have added vanilla and sugar. Homemade granola because it is actually the easiest thing in the world to make and I'm going to teach you how to make it, and more thought put into the fruit. Pre-cut fruit is a cop-out." 

Eric: Star rating: 1.5
"The idea was good, the execution was off. It was the yogurt, there was something wrong with it. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think Jesse explained it pretty well."

Ian: Star rating: 1

Jesse: "Jesse has chosen not to take Ian's comments into consideration this week"

Ian: "Just give him a 1." 

Oh yeah, there was wine.

Then we played a really awesome trivia game, and Brianne's character was a sexy vampire which is pretty accurate.

Extremely pixelated photobooth photo because apparently Ian doesn't know how to send things to me!