ASPARAGUS & PROSCIUTTO, FISH TACOS, AND PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY COOKIES

CULINARY ARTIST: ERIC "LAUDRUM

OVERALL STAR RATING: 4.5/5

FOOD EATERS: IAN, BRIANNE, JESSE

LATECOMER NON-FOOD EATERS: ALYSSA & EMMETT

Hang on, I'm eating a cookie. 

I just about burnt the house down. Can we call it 3 alarm asparagus? Today I spent about half an hour at Longos over my lunch break to get my ingredients. I couldn't find jam or puff pastries...

Alyssa: "Jam is the easiest thing!"

Ian: "There's like an entire aisle for Jam"

The asparagus was supposed to have pastry wrapped around it but I had to ditch that idea when I couldn't find the pastry. I just made fish tacos because I really love fish tacos. Yes. I think the world should eat more fish tacos. Also Brianne has never had fish tacos.

Brianne: "I didn't even know fish tacos was a thing until a year ago. I knew it was a funny slang for vagina, but I didn't know it was an actual food."

Alyssa: "Uhhh, emmett just poured wine on the ground"

Emmett: "Help! I don't want to wine stain the cats"

FIRST COURSE: Asparagus 
STAR RATING: 4.67/5



Asparagus, wrapped in prosciutto and broiled to a juicy crispiness. The trick is to keep it under even and constant heat until the fire alarm goes off; golden brown. Finished with parmesan cheese. Nice Ape Tits. That's french.
Brianne: Star rating: 4

"I have deducted a point because the smoke alarm caused me considerable anxiety, and left Groucho slouched beside the toilet crying. It did taste good. Salty. Mmmmm. I love prosciutto and I love asparagus. But this smoke alarm business was unacceptable."

Jesse: Star rating: 5
"Perfection. That's it."

Ian: Star rating: 5
"Perfectly tender. Salty treat. ;)."

Alyssa: "I would just like to note Emmett and I planned on bringing 100 samosas. But we went to buy them and they were closed. 100 samosas is $30. I think we could have eaten them. I'm pretty hungry. We could just be laying in them."

Brianne: "Just fill the bath."

SECOND COURSE: Fish Tacos

STAR RATING: 4.8/5

Lucky Buddha Beer Battered Telapia. It was a last minute decision to batter the fish. I wanted to keep it really fresh and light and I didn't want the batter to weight it down. But in the end you can still batter your bait and keep it light and crispy. Write that down. Okay.

The Lucky Buddha beer was chosen primarily for the energy levels. It really brought balance to the karma party. It was also the only beer I had in the house.

So, fish tacos. Here's a walk through. Corn tortillas, warm em up till they start to bubble. Lay that out, and you're gonna want to add a dollop of a cilantro sour cream spread, diced and salted tomatoes, red cabbage slaw, and the radish, cucumber, pepper mix. And the fish! Oh and parmesan cheese.

Brianne: Star rating:5

"My first fish taco experience was excellente. I was nervous and excited, but it delivered. The fish was perfectly cooked. The sour cream was sour cream, so that is perfect. Eric knows that sour cream is my weakness."

Jesse: Star rating: 4.8
"It was delicious. It was warm and cold. It hit it on the head. That is all."

Alyssa: "Hit what on the head?? I'm going to give it a 1.2. It would have been so tasty if only I had been invited. Emmett has no comment because he's too upset."

Ian: Star rating:4.6
"I enjoyed the crispy... what?... crispy, but tangy... notes. And what tied it all together was the slightly toasted taco. Shell."

DESSERT: PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY COOKIES

STAR RATING: 4.05/5

The cookies were a peanut butter and jelly cookie. This was a recipe from Michael Smith so that is why it was only okay. He's a shitty chef. I think it was on the food network. They were a little over cooked...

Ian: "I wouldn't say they were overcooked!"

If i had made them bigger I could have put in more jelly.

Brianne: Star rating: 3.9
"I know I ate like 7 of these, but they were only a 3.9. I agree they were a teeny bit overcooked, and I would have liked a different jam, or a variety of jam. Otherwise a very interesting and salty sweet cookie!"

Alyssa: Star rating: 3.5
"Some half points were deducted because I didn't get to experience the entire selection at the dinner. Side note, points deducted because Eric is a douche. Despite the slight burntiness I would still give them a solid 3.5. Congratulations Eric."

Jesse: Star rating: 4
"The cookies were delicious. I give them a 4. The jam was a nice touch. Chocolate milk that was the best. That's it that's all." 

Ian: Star rating: 4.8
"I enjoyed that it was a subtle peanut butter rather than an overpowering. I don't like when it's too dry. There was enough jam to cut... it gave it a lot more of a texture. Hmmm. What would you call that? Oversized grains of sugar?"

Brianne: "It was regular sugar."

Ian: "Oh! And the chocolate milk was a great accompaniment."

Alyssa: "A comfy mint?"

Brianne and Jesse spent almost an hour trying to get this plane to fly. By the time it finally flew (to the roof of our neighbours house, landing on top of the air conditioner) it didn't even have proper wings. It was straight busted. 

PHOTO BOOTH PHOTO

ERIC: CRACKER BOARD, SALAD, AND SESAME SEED SEARED TUNA SANDWICHES

CULINARY ARTIST: ERIC LAUDRUM

OVERALL STAR RATING: 4.2/5

FOOD EATERS: BRIANNE, JESSE, IAN

Light. Fresh. Free.

For my turn to cook I was inspired by feminine hygiene commercials. A few basic ingredients, used in moderation, carry the evening. Never too full, never sluggish, the light crisp flavours are to be experienced fully. The wine is to be drank, charades to be played. It is... indescribable.

*editors note: I have no idea what this is about.

I'm still feeling sick, but I promise not to touch the food.
I'm just kidding, I have to touch the food.

*eric was really sick. please don't cook for your friends when you are sick.

FIRST COURSE: CRACKER BOARD
STAR RATING: 4/5

Eric: Chop board featuring sesame rye crisps, liverwurst, avacado, Balderson aged white cheddar, and a medley of chopped heirloom tomatoes, with toasted garlic.

Brianne: Star rating: 3.5
"The 3.5 is because it wasn't... you didn't really have to cook anything. So I don't think it was really challenging enough. But it was really yummy, the cheese was really good. The tomatoes wouldn't stay on top of my cracker. That was my issue. The tomatoes wouldn't stay on the cracker. The liver... is it liver?"

Jesse: Star rating: 4
"What is this for? Oh. I'm going to go with a 4. You must be a boxer because you were putting those combinations together. Um.. I think it was good but it needed something sweet."

Brianne: "GRAPES!"

Jesse: "Or honey."

Brianne: "Honey from a tomb. I think some great tomb honey would be great for this."

*we had discussed this news item about honey found in ancient tombs earlier in the evening.

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"I have to strongly disagree with Brianne. The simplicity of this dish is unreal. What would I add... Maybe a carmelized onion, but otherwise great.

Brianne: "Okay but didn't you have a hard time keeping the tomatoes on your cracker?"

Ian: "That was an issue."

SECOND COURSE: SALAD
STAR RATING: 4/5

Eric: Another Medley, this time of spring greens. The avocado makes a second appearance and we are introduced to the radish, who will be playing a larger role in a later course. Cucumber accompanies the radish to add texture and crispness. A few drops of dressing are used to finish the dish: a simple olive oil and balsamic with dijon mustard and hot corn sauce made by my own Uncle Bud. Bonapertart.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"A lot of points for presentation and for fixing my salad when I messed it up. It was light and delicious and cute and I never eat radishes but they're yummy. And you lost half a point because I would have liked a bigger avacado slice, and maybe more dressing but that's just like.. I like a lot of dressing."

Jesse: Star rating: 4.0
"It was very appealing to the eye. Refreshing, but needed a nut, or a crunch. Good, delicious, and I needed a bigger bowl"

Ian: "It was on a plate."

Jesse: "plate... it should have been in a bowl. Ian should stay out of other people's reviews."

Ian: Star rating: 3.5
"Although I loved the choice of salad with the peppery notes.."

Brianne: "The lettuce."

Ian: "Oh yeah"

Brianne: "The arugula." 

Ian: "Yeah the pepper. Loved the dressing... was that... shhhh... was that corn?? The only thing I would have changed, I would have cubed the avocado and maybe added some dry fruit to accentuate not only the spicy but also the sweet.

MAIN COURSE: SESAME SEED SEARED TUNA SANDWICH
STAR RATING: 4.58/5

Eric: "Marinated in olive oil and balsamic, this tuna steak is bread in sesame seeds and seared. The tuna is left rare. The sandwich is toasted with a garlic butter and feature an olive oil mayo, cucumber and radish (see salad for first appearance) and a healthy slice of the rare brown Kumato tomato. The bread is a ciabatta bun, fyi."

Brianne: Star rating: 5
"Yes I give it a 5."

Ian: "Wow perfect score"

Brianne: "I've never had seared tuna before! It was so interesting and it was blowing my mind the entire time. It was beautiful and... I don't know" (Brianne is uploading photos right now)

Jesse: Star rating: 4.75
"Traditionally you think tuna - tun can, cats cat food... you put some sesame seeds and you roll it around like a piggy in it's blanket, you take something like tuna and you make it into a beautiful piece of art. And I would know. I'm an artist. I need to fend off the cats because this food is mine. I would have given you more if you had served it to me with a fork, sliced thinly.

*A main topic of discussion during dinner was Jesse's Bob Ross inspired painting (pictured below beside a Bob Ross painting for comparison)

Ian: Star rating: 4.0
"A great sandwich always starts with a good bread. Bu-bu-bu-bu. Bun. And I think Eric nailed this one on the head. The delicious sear, those lightly toasted sesame seeds, delightful. With that crisp freshness of the radishes. I think this one was a winner. I'm going to go with 4.0 for being so great."

Overall the night was a success. Harpo and Jesse got very drunk:

We played charades:

And Eric and Harpo made beats.

Photo Booth photo!

Next week Brianne will be making black bean brownies, and has no idea what else she is making.