IAN: PARMESAN EDEMAME, STICKY WINGS, AND TIRAMISU

CULINARY ARTIST: IAN URE

OVERALL STAR RATING: 4.82/5

FOOD EATERS: ERIC, BRIANNE, JESSE

LATECOMER NON-FOOD EATERS: BRAD, SHAUNA, RYAN

It was a freezing cold, stressful but very rewarding  night. It fell into place as soon as I got the wings on the barbecue, and the rest was just magical. Next time we're getting a magnum of wine. We had a roaring fire, that will come into play later in this blog post.

Eric: "How have we not gotten a box of wine?"

FIRST COURSE: Garlic Parmesan Edamame
STAR RATING: 4.8/5

The edamame was a crispy, salty blend. I say blend a lot. With a lil, a lil pop in the center... I think that's it.

Brianne: Star rating:4.5
"It was really salty, yummy. I ate a ton of it. Ya, and, edemame rules, it was so good. The lil parmesan clusters were perfect."

Eric: Star rating: 5
"It was awesome. Once I ate one, I ate, well, more. A lot more. The parmesan was so good. I kept eating bunches of it alone. I didn't know it was parmesan at first though. But thinking back now, I probably should have figured it out. A solid 5 and start to a good night."

Jesse: Star rating:4.9 ("because nobody's perfect. the -1 is for the 1 he gave me last week.")
"I'd like to say that dennis did a really good job on his edamame."

Brianne: "Dennis? What is happening?"

Ian: "Uh, he's been calling me Dennis lately."

Jesse: "Veronica and peter just showed up.

Jesse: "It was a good combination between salty and texture. Edamame was cooked perfectly. Minimal to no effort to get edamame out of the shell. The man made some edamame tonight. Dennis, you've outdone yourself."

It was at this point in the night that a squirrel fell down the chimney and into the lit fireplace, climbing up the hot metal gate, and running all over the room, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Ian almost immediately closed the door on the room, conveniently trapping five innocent people in the room with the upset squirrel. Shauna was the hero, trapping him in a laundry basket with a blanket, and carrying him outside.

We think he'll be okay but he was definitely in shock and inhaled some smoke. 

*Laternote: We put him outside and half an hour later he was still there.

VIDEO PROOF: (he is under the table)

SECOND COURSE: Slow Cooked Sticky Wings (Jesse calls them angel wings)

STAR RATING: 5/5

It was BBQ indirect heat for 2.5 hours, and at an hour and a half in I started saucing. That's how you get it sticky. With a special guest saucer, Sean Ure. I went upstairs for some second opinions. He was on the phone like, little of this, little of that. and I was like, you got it. It was balsamic, honey, soy sauce, a pinch of HP sauce. Some old bay, cause you can't go wrong.

Brianne: Star rating:5
"These wings were super... tender. I almost said fall aparty but you know that's not a word. I ate way more than everyone else. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I had to take my rings off because they were getting covered in sauce."

Jesse: Star rating: 5
"The flavour makes me sing,
the finger licking king.
The sauce would nicely cling
to my heart strings.
This food was like a sexual fling,
these were simply angel wings."

Eric: Star rating:5
"Oh the wings were great. The wings were fantastic. I like that he didn't have a side with them. It was just a big plate. It was clean, it was simple. It was delicious. It was perfect."


Ryan: Star rating: 1
"I don't think you cooked the squirrel long enough."

DESSERT: TIRAMISU

STAR RATING: 4.67/5

I wanted a light but strong flavoured dessert, with a hint of dark cocoa. I started with some fresh whipping cream and beat it until light and fluffy like clouds. Then I folded in some mascarpone, and then dipped the lady finger in a strong but elegant cofffee... 
shout outs to the Tassimo. I did 3 layers, and then shaved some dark chocolate on top.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"I don't always like tiramisu, but this was really good. I actually licked some stuff off the beaters before it was done, so I knew it was going to be good. And then it was even MORE good."

Eric: Star rating: 4.5
"The tiramisu was done to perfection. The subtle hint of coffee, it tasted columbian but I don't know, I'm no connoisseur. It was delicious, delightful, it really made me want a cup of coffee to top off the night, and then we had one and it was perfect." 

Jesse: Star rating: 5 + 1
"I'm a man of very little words, and I rarely cuss, but that was some tira-mi-fucking-su. When buying the ingredients I had no idea, I thought we were just having treats and coffee. My mind was blown.

Ian: "None of this would have been possible without Jesse, buying all of the ingredients."

Then we played more of the trivia video game and drank a lot of Dr. Pepper.

Almost normal photobooth photo!

JESSE: PITA BREAD & HUMMUS, MANGO & SHRIMP WRAP, AND YOGURT PARFAIT

CULINARY ARTIST: JESSE FRUIT LOOPS FOGARTY

OVERALL STAR RATING: 3.43 /5

FOOD EATERS: ERIC, BRIANNE, IAN

Ian started a new job this week and couldn't cook, so, under short notice, Jesse stepped in. He hurt his back washing dishes on the same dish mat that had almost killed Ian's gran, which Ian recklessly leaves out for all house guests kind enough to do dishes to be injured by.

FIRST COURSE: HOMEADE PITA + CHIPOTLE DIJON HUMMUS

STAR RATING: 4.5/5

The hummus was a little bit of this, a little bit of that. You know? Chickpeas, cock sauce, hot mustard, some sweet with heat sauce. And then... I don't know, some garlic cock sauce. Paired with homemade pita bread. Flour, yeast, there's nothing to it really. Salt and sugar. Basic. Bread flour. Flour puff girls. The secret was warm water and sugar cubes. It's phenomenal. I don't know what that word is, but use it.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"I ate so much of it that my jaw is sore from eating the pita. It was really good. The pita was really really good. I'm impressed with the effort you made to make the pita."

Eric: Star rating: 4.5
"It was awesome. The pita was so good. I didn't know Jesse made it, I thought it was store bought. But I thought it was like, the freshest store bought bread ever."

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"I thought it was.... delicious? Sorry, I was going to start with it was so good I thought it was store bought... Because it was so good. It was, it was delicious"

Eric: "But how did it taste?"

Ian: "It tasted delicious."



Ian: "I wanted to know, how the fuck did you make that pita?"

Jesse: "On your pizza stone!"

Ian: "Delicious."

SECOND COURSE: MANGO & SHRIMP WRAP, AND YAM FRIES

STAR RATING: 4.33/5

My mango and shrimp wrap was a combination of sour cream, mayo, fresh basil, chives, shrimp, and diced mango. Wrapped together with water crests and flour tortillas. Paired with yam fries.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"Okay, I'm going to give it a 4.5. Because, no okay here's my thing. The wrap was maybe a 4, the sweet potatoes were a huge 5. They were so good. I think I would just like the wrap pumped up a little bit, or had the shrimp cooked in lime maybe, or maybe just cooked in butter..."

Ian: "Something salty."

Eric: Star rating: 4
"I'm going to give it a 4. It was really good and the shrimp was good. The fries could have  used like, a fancy ketchup. Maybe some aioli. The fries were really good though."

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"Delicious wrap. It was great...... sorry, sorry uh... I'm going to say... sorry let me think. The salad was..."

Brianne: "Salad?"
Ian: "That was in the wrap."

Brianne: "It's not called salad if it's in a wrap."
Ian: "It's not salad, I did not mean to say salad."

Brianne: "You did this last week with arugula!"

Ian: "Anyway, while I thought the wrap was delicious, I would have liked a salty element."
Jesse: "I get it, you don't have to keep telling me."

DESSERT: YOGURT PARFAIT WITH GRANOLA AND FRUIT

STAR RATING: 1.5/5

Ian introduced me, a few weeks ago, to what I would describe as a perfect treat. Now I would describe it as BULLSHIT. I made a blend of strawberries, over liquidy yogurt, making it runny and tasteless. The yogurt I bought from Bulk Barn was shit! I will never buy that again. I also put pre packaged fruit in it, and that wasn't good because they were too big for it. I would never make this for any of my friends again.

Brianne: Star rating: 2
"Jesse took something that was simple and delightful, and just flipped it on it's head. I have been eating yogurt parfait my entire life... and..."

Jesse: "I even bought special glasses for it!"

Brianne: "Okay here is everything you need wrong. You needed vanilla yogurt, because you clearly bought plain yogurt, or you should have added vanilla and sugar. Homemade granola because it is actually the easiest thing in the world to make and I'm going to teach you how to make it, and more thought put into the fruit. Pre-cut fruit is a cop-out." 

Eric: Star rating: 1.5
"The idea was good, the execution was off. It was the yogurt, there was something wrong with it. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think Jesse explained it pretty well."

Ian: Star rating: 1

Jesse: "Jesse has chosen not to take Ian's comments into consideration this week"

Ian: "Just give him a 1." 

Oh yeah, there was wine.

Then we played a really awesome trivia game, and Brianne's character was a sexy vampire which is pretty accurate.

Extremely pixelated photobooth photo because apparently Ian doesn't know how to send things to me!

BRIANNE: EDAMAME RICE, SWEET POTATO PEAR SOUP, AND BLACK BEAN BROWNIES

CULINARY ARTIST: BRIANNE BURNELL

OVERALL STAR RATING: 4.7/5

FOOD EATERS: ERIC, JESSE, IAN

This entire meal is about black bean brownies. I saw them on Pinterest, and really wanted to try them. Everything else in this meal was just "what goes with black bean brownies". I ended up with a coconut theme, everything in this has coconut in it, coconut oil... coconut flakes... coconut milk... coconut.

*Brianne is also really sick. Please stop cooking while sick

FIRST COURSE: EDAMAME + KALE RICE

STAR RATING: 4.6/5

Brianne: The first course was fluffy jasmine rice cooked in coconut milk, with kale, edamame, jalapenos, cilantro, and lime. That's all it is. Oh with coconut and sliced almonds on top. The rice was real creamy.

Eric: Star rating: 4.5
"It was so good! Coconut milk is the secret. Not like Rhonda Byrne secret, like a regular secret. I like the cilantro. It made the food taste Freshish. ™ Fresh."

Jesse: Star rating: 4.9
"It was fantastic. I love it. I love it so much. Can. I. I want more? And, I like it."

Brianne: "What? that is the worst -"

Jesse: "4.9"

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"I'm going to give the rice a 4.5, mainly because I absolutely despise cilantro, and this was amazing. Cilantro is usually just topping on shit. Just garnish and crap"

Brianne: "I never eat a garnish in my life"

Ian: "Uh... Fluffy rice. Coconut is definitely a winner."

MAIN COURSE: SWEET POTATO BUTTERNUT SQUASH & PEAR SOUP
STAR RATING: 4.5/5

Brianne: I love making soup. This one was a sweet potato, a butternut squash, and two pears with some onion, butter.... white pepper... It called for ginger, but I didn't have any, so I put cinnamon in it instead, but I dumped too much and thought I ruined it, but I totally didn't. Then I put toasted coconut and almonds on top!

Eric: Star rating: 4.0

"The soup was delicious. super creamy. I loved the toasted coconut and almond shavings. Like the food critic in the end of Ratatouille, when I tasted this dish, I felt just like a middle aged French man; fantastic. An interesting decision to make the soup self serve just for me... Is it because she's racist? I don't know. Probably."

Ian: Star rating: 5

"It's a solid 5. It's perfect
Yup. Perfect.

She was warm, on a chilly night.

Wait a second, IT was, IT was warm

Did I say she?

Wait a minute,

Was that cinnamon?

Delightful soup."

Eric: "Ian's comment reads like poetry."

Ian: "I would definitely serve this at a major event."

Brianne: "Like what? A bar mitzvah?"

Ian: "Well maybe a ladies night. Maybe a wine tasting. I don't know."

Jesse: Star rating: ???

"It was sweet and salty. It was a delight for my mouth palate. I have a very good mouth palate. And I am quite an artiste. I'm making pretty good art here guys, I don't know if you know. Look my guy has spiky eyelashes"

Brianne: "That's not what eyes look like."

Jesse: *crying sounds*

Brianne: "What's your rating?"

Jesse: "I would eat that every single day. I would feed my children that, and they're not even born yet. But when they are born I'm going to call you up, and say, hey, what's that recipe for butterscotch soup?"

Brianne: "IT'S NOT BUTTERSCOTCH SOUP!"

Some of Jesse's art. Unfortunately not with the spiky eyelashes in this one.

DESSERT: BLACK BEAN COCONUT BROWNIES WITH VANILLA FROZEN YOGURT

STAR RATING: 5/5

Brianne: I was so excited to make this, and I had never done it before. I thought it sounded absurd but everyone on the internet said it was delicious, so I took a big risk here, and it paid off. I was really nervous up until I mixed the batter, and then I knew. I knew this was going to be good. 

So It's an entire can of black beans, cocoa, sugar, eggs, baking soda and baking powder... BALSAMIC VINEGAR (!?!) pureed. Oh and chocolate chips. They're not pureed. With chocolate chips and coconut flakes on top. And frozen yogurt. We ate the entire pan.

Eric: Star rating: 5
"Awesome. They were a bit crumbly but we had them in bowls. They might have been more firm if we had waited to eat them, but fudge those brownies. I had two bowls. TWO BOWWWLLS (titty boy voice)."

Ian: Star rating: 5
"Heard about this delicious melody for weeks, and now that it's here... Wow. It delivered. Perfect accompaniment with the frozen yogurt, the melted chocolate, perfect 5."

Jesse: Star rating: 5
"5"

Eric: "Okay Jess how did you feel about the brownie?"

Jesse: "Oh that? I can't put it into words. It was awesome." *drawing* "I could work for Pokemon. The brownie was amazing, and I love icey yogurt. I like everything about that. Fantastic. I give it a one. No I'm kidding. I give it a 4........5. A 5.

Somehow this became brownies

This didn't.

Then we played PICTIONARY with Brianne's tablet, which she is awesome with and no one else knows how to use but did okay anyway.

Brianne and Ian were a great team and won by a lot.

Photo booth photo!!!!

ERIC: CRACKER BOARD, SALAD, AND SESAME SEED SEARED TUNA SANDWICHES

CULINARY ARTIST: ERIC LAUDRUM

OVERALL STAR RATING: 4.2/5

FOOD EATERS: BRIANNE, JESSE, IAN

Light. Fresh. Free.

For my turn to cook I was inspired by feminine hygiene commercials. A few basic ingredients, used in moderation, carry the evening. Never too full, never sluggish, the light crisp flavours are to be experienced fully. The wine is to be drank, charades to be played. It is... indescribable.

*editors note: I have no idea what this is about.

I'm still feeling sick, but I promise not to touch the food.
I'm just kidding, I have to touch the food.

*eric was really sick. please don't cook for your friends when you are sick.

FIRST COURSE: CRACKER BOARD
STAR RATING: 4/5

Eric: Chop board featuring sesame rye crisps, liverwurst, avacado, Balderson aged white cheddar, and a medley of chopped heirloom tomatoes, with toasted garlic.

Brianne: Star rating: 3.5
"The 3.5 is because it wasn't... you didn't really have to cook anything. So I don't think it was really challenging enough. But it was really yummy, the cheese was really good. The tomatoes wouldn't stay on top of my cracker. That was my issue. The tomatoes wouldn't stay on the cracker. The liver... is it liver?"

Jesse: Star rating: 4
"What is this for? Oh. I'm going to go with a 4. You must be a boxer because you were putting those combinations together. Um.. I think it was good but it needed something sweet."

Brianne: "GRAPES!"

Jesse: "Or honey."

Brianne: "Honey from a tomb. I think some great tomb honey would be great for this."

*we had discussed this news item about honey found in ancient tombs earlier in the evening.

Ian: Star rating: 4.5
"I have to strongly disagree with Brianne. The simplicity of this dish is unreal. What would I add... Maybe a carmelized onion, but otherwise great.

Brianne: "Okay but didn't you have a hard time keeping the tomatoes on your cracker?"

Ian: "That was an issue."

SECOND COURSE: SALAD
STAR RATING: 4/5

Eric: Another Medley, this time of spring greens. The avocado makes a second appearance and we are introduced to the radish, who will be playing a larger role in a later course. Cucumber accompanies the radish to add texture and crispness. A few drops of dressing are used to finish the dish: a simple olive oil and balsamic with dijon mustard and hot corn sauce made by my own Uncle Bud. Bonapertart.

Brianne: Star rating: 4.5
"A lot of points for presentation and for fixing my salad when I messed it up. It was light and delicious and cute and I never eat radishes but they're yummy. And you lost half a point because I would have liked a bigger avacado slice, and maybe more dressing but that's just like.. I like a lot of dressing."

Jesse: Star rating: 4.0
"It was very appealing to the eye. Refreshing, but needed a nut, or a crunch. Good, delicious, and I needed a bigger bowl"

Ian: "It was on a plate."

Jesse: "plate... it should have been in a bowl. Ian should stay out of other people's reviews."

Ian: Star rating: 3.5
"Although I loved the choice of salad with the peppery notes.."

Brianne: "The lettuce."

Ian: "Oh yeah"

Brianne: "The arugula." 

Ian: "Yeah the pepper. Loved the dressing... was that... shhhh... was that corn?? The only thing I would have changed, I would have cubed the avocado and maybe added some dry fruit to accentuate not only the spicy but also the sweet.

MAIN COURSE: SESAME SEED SEARED TUNA SANDWICH
STAR RATING: 4.58/5

Eric: "Marinated in olive oil and balsamic, this tuna steak is bread in sesame seeds and seared. The tuna is left rare. The sandwich is toasted with a garlic butter and feature an olive oil mayo, cucumber and radish (see salad for first appearance) and a healthy slice of the rare brown Kumato tomato. The bread is a ciabatta bun, fyi."

Brianne: Star rating: 5
"Yes I give it a 5."

Ian: "Wow perfect score"

Brianne: "I've never had seared tuna before! It was so interesting and it was blowing my mind the entire time. It was beautiful and... I don't know" (Brianne is uploading photos right now)

Jesse: Star rating: 4.75
"Traditionally you think tuna - tun can, cats cat food... you put some sesame seeds and you roll it around like a piggy in it's blanket, you take something like tuna and you make it into a beautiful piece of art. And I would know. I'm an artist. I need to fend off the cats because this food is mine. I would have given you more if you had served it to me with a fork, sliced thinly.

*A main topic of discussion during dinner was Jesse's Bob Ross inspired painting (pictured below beside a Bob Ross painting for comparison)

Ian: Star rating: 4.0
"A great sandwich always starts with a good bread. Bu-bu-bu-bu. Bun. And I think Eric nailed this one on the head. The delicious sear, those lightly toasted sesame seeds, delightful. With that crisp freshness of the radishes. I think this one was a winner. I'm going to go with 4.0 for being so great."

Overall the night was a success. Harpo and Jesse got very drunk:

We played charades:

And Eric and Harpo made beats.

Photo Booth photo!

Next week Brianne will be making black bean brownies, and has no idea what else she is making.